Woman Calls 911, Says Boyfriend Won't Marry Her

of boat

She thinks 911 is like a genie, just call and your wish will come true.

and then give her a bouquet scented with chloroform then once she passes out tighten up the straight jacket and put her in the nut house

They can even tell her that she has to take of her blood testing and give her a very cool shot. (I watched Halloween. LOL Sometimes, it takes more to knock them nuts out of their tree.)

excellent point hence why you also have the groom spray a bit of anesthetic the good stuff in her face before the end of the ceremony

Nah just make sure she takes a whiff of his drugged boutonniere before the ceremony is over. Will work best if he's a lot taller than her and gives her a hug. Maybe a ruffie-colada or three at the reception?

Coladas are yucky. I go for the ruffie cranberry vodka! LOL

To think, these lunatics walk amongst us every day...I am surprised she could even FIND the 11 on the phone..(lol)

I was wondering that one too, but I figured that maybe she had a friend program it into the memory...

Yeah but then some lazy cop will brandish a gun or threaten arrest, to demand that a Mcdonalds open back up for his breakfast, on his overnight duty. Actually happened.

I second the person that voted all the above. I like that option a lot for this.

yeah... I forgot the 4th option... All of the above=}

I'm not sure about the dating service, but I'm getting hungry... wonder if 911 delivers?

I predict a large fine and a restraining order is in her future.

LOL. A restraining order protecting 911.

Woman Calls 911, Says Boyfriend Won't Marry Her

Can't imagine why. God help the poor bastard if he can't make her cum.

Dangit! Did you forget the fairy traps again? I tellz you and I tellz you that you can't forget that.

LOL

Did you forget the fairy traps again?

You better hope Peter Pan doesn't hear of this

hmm try some heat seeking anti aircraft rockets you can get em cheap from the Afghanies and they take out fairies in one hit

try some heat seeking anti aircraft rockets

Run, Tinkerbelle, Run!

hope they got a tight turning radius... my apt isn't THAT big lol

That's why you lay the traps just before you get in bed.

That's why you lay the traps just before you get in bed

Ok, that's it! I'm going to get the lost boys and we're gonna take some names and kick some ass!

Ok, that's it! I'm going to get the lost boys and we're gonna take some names and kick some ass!

Sounds like a party. Do we get to have a bonfire too? I figured there would be a few good ones from the heat seeking anti aircraft missiles. ;)

Sounds like a party

Oh hell yeah! That's what I'm talking bout, Lissa!

You know I burnt my arm when some oil jumped at me from my pan of fries this morning...

I should have called 9-1-1.

All I did was apply Neosporine... what the hell was I thinking!!!

when they arrested this chick and took her to jail,I wonder if she used her one phone call-and dialed 911!

I was starting to wonder the same thing, Buzzman. LOL

Party over at DaVoH's! But, Dragonwoman is excused from fry frying duty as well as any other chore involving hot oil. She gets to bring... brownies. Yeah, brownies... But no fairy dust. We are trying to help ruthless get rid of those dastardly beings.

I'll bring the cheesecake and a really tiny gun with itty-bitty fairy-piercing rounds!

Party over at DaVoH's!

I'll pass on the desserts and go straight to the bar. For some reason, I'm happier there

I'll bring the bar and the pretzels

Hmmmm... I'll bring ruthless and chairs.

I'll pass on the desserts and go straight to the bar. For some reason, I'm happier there

You've never had one of my desserts DaVoH. People think I've missed my calling.

People think I've missed my calling

HEY lilGREMLIN! Bring me another BEEEER!!!

muchas apologías
I'm going to call 911 right now so they can protect me from the fairies and the parties and they can put me in one of those pretty snuggly white coats that are oh-so cozy and warm and I can share a padded room with this lady. Once she starts feeling like we're friends I'll tell her no too.

I'll bring ruthless and chairs.

not only does that mean I was already with lissa... but that I am also a prop! :D

But, Dragonwoman is excused from fry frying duty as well as any other chore involving hot oil. She gets to bring... brownies. Yeah, brownies... But no fairy dust. We are trying to help ruthless get rid of those dastardly beings.

You really don't want me baking either... I burn Cinnamon rolls on Facebook's YoVille.... LMAO... Maybe I should have called 9-1-1 when YoVille when down yesterday. Damn them!!

I make a mean crockpot version of sausage and peppers.

I'll pass on the desserts and go straight to the bar.

I can make a pretty good Grasshopper, Strawberry Daqauri, and rum and coke.

kool I'll take a Jack and Coke and a moonshine chaser

cool with the Jack -n- coke...

Moonshiner????

yea you know shine white lightning stump remover hair remover never mind I'll bring my own jar

not only does that mean I was already with lissa... but that I am also a prop! :D

Hee hee. Works for me. I think we are just heading to the bar now. Dragonwoman has found her calling there. Just watch for sharp objects. ;P

Am I'm going to have to call the S.W.A.T. Team on you guys for hi-jacking?

Make sure to prep them for the infestation of fairies. :D

I think we are just heading to the bar now

I have jus bout dank erythang, take me drunk, I'm home

I'll be the bouncer

I'm home take me drunk.... I'm not so think as you drunk I am occifer I swear... I swear to drunk I'm not God

LMAO... I took both your keys before I served.... do I have to pin ya both down for the night...

let me find the sleeping bags... LOL

mmm pin me down dragon lady ;) don't think just the sleepin bag will do

do I have to pin ya both down for the night

Be my guest, but it's gonna get mighty toasty in those sleeping bags. I'm known for producing massive amounts of friction

LOL... oh my =} Two fellas... no waiting.... not sure how it sexy would be with the two of ya's upchucking in the pail next to the sleeping bag.

hmmm two guys one girl one sleeping bag this could be very interesting alright I'm in

I'd join..... but I ahve a hard enough time fitting into a sleeping bag just by myself lol

LOL... chances are I would have to double or triple the bag anyhow...

hell let's just all get a King size bed.

aight hon I got a California King let's do this

King size bed? California King? I'm in!

Sounds like a regular orgy brewing here... I may need to bring some protien for the journey.

naw you'll get plenty of protein when you get there Dragon... Lissa glad you would join us.

HEY-OH! lol

again my huge-ness comes into play.... twice! lol..... I take up a lot of even a king size bed... I hope someone can fit on top of me ;P hahaha (not you james lol)

the rest will have to sqeeze in there with us ruthlesmoose.

I will take one side.. you have the other.... no one will be able to escape, once the games begin..... LOL

It's times like these, I'm thankful for having large quantities of KY

(DaVoH fills up his Supersoaker and squirts everybody down)

That ought to help with getting out of the mating ball

sweet no I can turn any surface into a slip and slide and put footballs in tabasco bottles...

... I like supersoakers... Not sure if I should be worried. LOL

LOL =}

and put footballs in tabasco bottles...

????????????????????????????????????????????????????

sorry private joke between me and a friend I decided to put on here... we say that with the right amount of KY gel or Astra glide you can indeed make a full sized football fit into a tabasco sauce bottle

I wasn't too sure about the footballs in tabasco bottles. I was trying to figure that one out.

well know yall know and if I need to explain any further how that came about he was a football player i'm welsh hungarian (well hung ha ha get it ) somehow we got on the topic of girls and well this came out of that conversation.

you have strange friends lol

although a super soaker full of KY sounds promising lol

Oh my James **blushing**

well I got your drift... and damn!

got to let ya know... there is such a thing as too dang big.

Exactly, DragonWoman. LOL

(So happy I wasn't the only one red from that.)

Oh I go red... but I luv to joke around about these things... There is a group called Vine Vixons... a group of us like to talk this kind of stuff... I have been grinning and blushing quite a bit today... it keeps the blood coursing

lol aww don't worry...

I'm not welsh and hungarian I'm actually scotch irish french english and german so I get drunk invade other countries and surrender alot

So the short version is that you're a white guy? lol

Ya.... football sized is more of a punishment than anything else lol

yea not quite football sized think those really fat el cheapo permanent markers lol

scotch irish french english and german

James... you're the same kinda American mutt I am.... for the most part.... Add some Dutch, Canadian French bacon to that, and various Native American tribes ... and you could be me.

lil dutch somewhere in the gene pool not enough to write home about and various native american tribes further back like in the 1700's don't ask me which ones

yeah they don't keep track much in my family either.

My paternal grandfather was a Canadian immigrant. Changed the last name a little. There is a tribe up there called Cree... I think. Perhaps some Iroquois to go with or Mohegan. Would make sense with the Dutch and the New York heritage.

yea my family never were strong writers or readers they were too busy populating the south

South???? could be Blackfoot.

blackfoot or cherokee on my dad's side mom side however contains the nut that ran from a indian tribe nekkid and proble some apache or commanche as well

L M A O ;D...

That was just hysterical...

There are a few nakeed nuts in my family as well... or nature lovers... which ever you prefer.

yea currently I am the only nudie nut in the family then again I'venever gone full monty I usually have a thong or combat boots on oh crap forgot to send out those pics

ever notice how few nekkid nuts are from the northern climate tribes?

More American mutts!!!! LOL (I am one too.)

I will have to get on that group. It sounds like fun. I just try not to get caught blushing about anything by my students.

James, your family tree is starting to sound too similar to mine except that quite a few of my ancestors weren't in the country until the early 1900's.

eh idk that group won't have me I volunteered as male advisor and still haven't heard back from em... yea most of mine were here early hence the french and english it wasn't till later the irish scotch german and negligible amount of dutch were added...

ever notice how few nekkid nuts are from the northern climate tribes?

You hear about those nutty Polar Bear clubs???

Ya they be crazy!!!

Not me, it gets colder than a witch's tit up here.

it gets colder than a witch's tit up here

I always say, 'It's colder than a witches titty in a brass bra!' I thought I was the only who said that

never heard the brass bra bit, but yeah, around here it definitely gets that cold. Probably why we don't get so many nudits.

I've heard of the brass bra. I always had to wonder why any person would wear one though.

a top-heavy alternative to iron underwear. Shinier too.

sexier as well

Perhaps you may want to wear metal if the nippies are waaaaay too happy to see everyone...

but DD's are heavy enough with a regular support bra... you can keep the brass ones.

but DD's are heavy enough

I wouldn't mind holding them bad girls up for ya

Really, DaVoH. I find it tiresome... LOL

I feel your pain, DragonWoman. I feel your pain.

Two hands, two boobies, now that's a perfect match

It's great that you're such a willing volunteer DaVoH!

I try

That's just the kind of thoughtful helpful guy DaVoH is!

And that's why we all appreciate him so much!

I feel so loved right now =)

Yup.

Where's a hallmark card when you need one?

how touching! I get the idea DaVoH has offered to touch many!what a guy!

Who needs Hallmark, when ya got friends like these? (((((((GROUP HUG)))))))

Touching nothing! DaVoH's just offering to lend us ladies a little support in our down times. What a guy! =)

Wow have I been away...

Yes the girls need a lift... my back aches right now.... and don't get me started on how many shirts get that stain right there on one of the girls.

DaVoh ..... ;D

Like I said, I feel ya, Dragon Woman. It always falls right there too! I keep looking for the magnet that attracts everything, but I haven't found it as of yet.

The breasts are magnets.... LOL

On the plus side, you can become real inventive at stain removal.

I have one shirt form when I was a teenager that I tiedyed just to blend in a tomato sauce stain. Hey. the shirt was my favorite at the time. LOL

If it is a shirt I like... I will wear it until it falls apart...

Stains around the house...

Oh.. if it is in a good stratigic location... a stylish pin can cover it up.

Of course if the stain is over the nipple area... damn it all to hell!!! wear it around the house.

tiedyed bras and panties...hmm hippy-sexy?

Way to be creative Lissa!

Don't forget those iron on patches. One of those methods work every time.

I remember the sew on patches... or just cut the friggen pants into shorts.... LOL

LOL Friend request sent. This has been entertaining.

gladdly accepted... I agree.

The breasts are magnets.... LOL

you ain't kidding! ;P

luckily, all my spills end up in the beard, and it rinses clean as new no problem lol

I wouldn't look right with a beard though. I will just stick to my creativity to hide the problems that the magnets bring up. LOL

I'll be happy to cover your magnets, I stick to 'em like glue

You're not supposed to put glue on magnets...?

Don't worry, the attraction will be enough to hold me there. I'm pretty good at holding on, especially when it comes to breastesses

LOL I bet.

breastesses

LOL....

they don't need glue...

may want to tape or sew the button up shirts... or you show more than ya want to.

I advoid button up shirts like the plague because of that.

On my way home from HS one day... while crossing a bridge.. the girls made an appearance because of those damn buttons.... I did not notice until I felt a breeze on my boobs.... LOL.

I did not notice until I felt a breeze on my boobs

That was my spirit, copping a feel

" The breasts are magnets"

they sure attract me! I never met a breast I didnt like...well,maybe one

OMG! I bet you were looking around for anyone who might have noticed. LOL

I remember one day when my now husband, then boyfriend, and I were going to our classes, and he had his arm around me. Well, he did the typical high school boy thing and unhooked my bra. We happened to be walking by a certain teacher's door. He had a thing for using a supersoaker on anyone participating in PDA. Yeah, I probably don't have to continue the story after that.

oh Lissa... that must have been a sight... LOL

That was my spirit, copping a feel

That long ago huh??? well they were about 25 years younger and a few inches higher. Big but perky.

no... but I'd really appreciate it if you did :)

while crossing a bridge.. the girls made an appearance because of those damn buttons.... I did not notice until I felt a breeze on my boobs.... LOL.

I miss all the good parties.

I wouldn't look right with a beard though.

no, no.... you stick with your magnets.... even without personal experience... I'm certain your magnets are way... WAY nicer than my beard ;) hehe

I wouldn't look right with a beard though

I got to agree, hairy tittys are a major turn-off =}

well they were about 25 years younger and a few inches higher. Big but perky.

well... my day just perked up! ;D

LOL... remember that was 25 years ago.

25 years, Dragon Woman? Wow. LOL

Yup... I am 42 years old.... So I was about 17 at the time.... and a DD

I would have been 2 and probably running around and hiding from adults to make them ask where I was. I was about that cup size when I was 17 though.

double D's is that like a D each?

double D's is that like a D each?

Sounds more like something I would like to grope and fondle

Yup... I am 42 years old.... So I was about 17 at the time.... and a DD

Well... I'm sure you've peeked in on one of the conversations me and dkaz have had about my....... appreciation for "older than me" women lol I bet you were a hottie back then, AS WELL AS now :D --the older the berry, the sweeter the juice!--

would have been 2 and probably running around and hiding

I was 1 lol

Sounds more like something I would like to grope and fondle

you ain't kidding! and I'm a big dude, so my hands are PLENTY big enough to handle those lovelies! ;P

You know what they say about guys with big hands, lol

They have a hard time reaching in to small light fixtures?

You know what they say about guys with big hands, lol

Yeah... cum here big fella ;D

Well... I'm sure you've peeked in on one of the conversations me and dkaz have had about my....... appreciation for "older than me" women lol I bet you were a hottie back then, AS WELL AS now :D --the older the berry, the sweeter the juice!--

Well I leave the opinion up to the person. I know I am a lot wiser. I have got to find my old ID pic at 17... LMAO.... I had a pink and black bandana... I thought it was pretty cool....

*falls off chair laughing out loud*

I was 17 around 1984 to 85... If I could wear pink, purple, and black... I was styling!!!

Dragon Woman,

You know a lot of the 80's fashions are back in, right? LOL (Yes, everyone knows for sure I work at a high school.)

Oh Lissa... I never want to go back to HS... LOL... to be honest that was better than JR High.

You know what they say about guys with big hands, lol

we wear big gloves? lol

They have a hard time reaching in to small light fixtures?

better than getting in there too easily lol

Yeah... cum here big fella ;D

yes ma'am!! I'm a good boy and follow orders very well lol

well, my opinion is older women are hot. and I think we should get a peek at that ID picture lol

If I find it... I will post it... I like humous articles.

I think that the newest picture I have of myself on the computer is from high school, Dragon Woman. It may have been from sometime during my fall semester as a senior. LOL (Early fall. It was still summer.) I think I want to see yours as well.

how do you know which one to grope and which one to fondle?

how do you know which one to grope and which one to fondle?

I like doing both, groping and fondling. As long as they're willing, though. Some women sure can kick hard, and aim good too

how do you know which one to grope and which one to fondle?

Why choose?

Why choose?

Yea, jus go for it!

;D

Yea, jus go for it!

Best way to do anything! ;)

I was just checking to see if there was a proper etiquette.

When fondling the ladies it is proper ediquett to plant sweet kisses on hungry lips.

When fondling the ladies it is proper ediquett to plant sweet kisses

I'm bad about giving kisses, in all kinds of places. We'll usually take a shower or get in the hot tub, get lifted and a little buzzed off some alki-hol, then have sex on everything that gets in the way

have you ever had sex in a hammock? I found it to be a challenge that I was up to.The walmart dressing room was cool,till the walmart employee came knocking on the door asking"are you all right in there"-then it was hilarious!

I vote for the pool! (As long as it is not too cold outside. LOL) I think the most challenging that I have experienced involved a tree house of sorts in the sense that it had a floor consisting of a small piece of plywood.

A hammock, Buzz. I am trying to picture how that works. ;)

If it had been one of those solid fabric ones it wouldnt have been so bad.trust me,the rope hammock takes some determination!

the rope hammock takes some determination!

I think that should be a goal!

Hmmm... Rope burn? That would have been bad. It sounded like it was a swinging good time. (Ignore the corniness. It is too early for anything more profound. LOL)

Your corny mode is in full swing this morning and so is mine

LOL

I guess I better get some work done. I have a to do list at work to get knocked out before it gets knocked up.

Hammock... nope... never been there or even curious..

Hot tub sounds good... luv bubbles...

I have been outside near a tree house, but never up in one... quite a bit younger then.

Hot tub sounds good... luv bubbles...

That reminds me of a very funny, but very dirty joke. I'm not sure if it'll be worth telling. I'm kinda worried it may backfire

LOL... is it anything like Jack Nickelson on Bucketlist...

"Never trust a fart!"

LOL

"Never trust a fart!"

haha, only if it's not one, should you get worried

and if it is warm... and there is no warning fart... LOL

warm... and there is no warning

That's a recipe for disaster, don't POOT!

too late =(

Oh man, a slippery SBD, gotta hate those. Especially in a hot bath

no... not there... I have been sick and I think I had a bad reaction to old NyQuil... I bought new stuff this weekend and have been ok...

let me tell you... 2 doses of Immodium... stops a load from happening.... LOL

Remind me not to get in that hot tub. I will just stick to my pool. Just not right now. It's too cold.

like doing both, groping and fondling

2 hands, 2 lovelies... it's like they were made for each other lol

I'm pretty sure it work for for me in a hammock... I'm almost to big for them just by myself lol. Do wanna try a hot tub and a pool though! and definitely a tree house as long as it's big and sturdy enough!

Lissa... no worries... I have been better on that account since Saturday... but what a morning that was... yuck...

anyhow... I just need to stop choughing and sneezing and maybe I will get my voice back... oh yeah

Dragon, I am waiting for my head to quit pounding. I think I am about to come down with a cold, but I am still torturing my kiddos at work. LOL I am glad you are feeling...better? Sucks without the voice. I hope not to lose mine again this year.

Ruthless, the pool is FUN!!!!

2 hands, 2 lovelies... it's like they were made for each other lol

My thoughts on the matter too. LOL And the tree house, just be careful. SPLINTERS SUCK!!! ;)

Splinters???

ROTFLMAO ;P

I didn't get any. :P

who was making bubbles in the tub?

Dragonwoman- I hope those werent the kinda bubbles you liked!

DaVoH leaving SBD oil slicks in the tub?-do you need some of Big Berthas backdoor blowhole and book binder?

That's why I was avoiding the hot tub, Buzz. LOL

Big Berthas backdoor blowhole

Reminds me of my ex-wife

LOL!!

Wow.... nope I left no floaters or sinkers.... ahem stinkers.

Reminds me of my ex-wife

Not good.

when she went swimming did they mistake her for shamu?

I would say more like a 'humpback'

There having pity on her alright, they are taking her where she may get some help, and if she does it again she may get a longer stay.

Connecting with her, sounds like they have connected with her several times recently, more than they should have had to.

Town with out pity, Someone could be dying while this woman has them on the phone for silly reasons that are not an emergency.

The laws are very specific about the misuse of the 911 system. It has nothing do about pity or the lack of. She should have used 411 to get the number of a local crisis center. I don't blame the guy for not marrying her. Who wants to marry an idiot? This reminds me of the case where a woman called 911 because she heard someone possibly trying to break into her house, a legitimate reason. The cops found no one and left. She then called 911 again and asked if they could send one of the cops back. Why? Because she thought he was cute and had not had a date in I think it was 4 months. These two women should get together, go out and find themselves some new men. But for pities sake, do not speak, just sit and look pretty.

I grew up in Clarksville and know that it is not a town without pity.It might be a town without much patience for stupidity though.

Did anyone speak to the boyfriend? Does he really exist?

uhhh Clarksvegas (Clarksville's new nickname) has changed alot in the past few years seems as though they are having a mass immigration of Korean and middle eastern ethnicities who are new here and know little

I don't think I know of any towns who wouldn't :-{ upon anyone using the emergency system for any reason other than what it's suppose to be used for.

Clarksville huh, I've been there a few times, Nice town

naked,covered with cow poo,wearing nothing but googles....now theres a picture for the family album!

Could they help me find the remote?

Maybe this will help

lol

take two and wash them down with a pint of bourbon-serenity now!

take two and wash them down with a pint of bourbon

I do that, to catch a buzzman

Hey Dylan!

I bet this guy's glad he didn't marry her now. She'd probably call the police for the divorce too

Hmmm....Shotgun divorces? Now that would be good TV!! ;)

Yeah huh DaVoH..........................that about Letterman's STUPID HUMAN TRICKS.........................I still say she's probably Pelosi's niece or something...............

Hey what do you think, is this incredibly stupid health care bill gonna pass today?

What's up Dylan!

is this incredibly stupid health care bill gonna pass today?

I have no idea, I proudly say that I stick to the flip-side of the news =)

your boyfriend didnt bail you out?

I just went to the cheezy article-cute kitty!

i'd bail you out and your boyfriend left you with a kitty to support in this economy the shame...

at least he left you the cheeze!

at least he left you the cheeze!

Yeah, I know James appreciates it. That mofo loves cheese

oh yea cheese whiz, cheddar all the sort, and head cheese is pretty good ( pig face meat ground up and made into some sort of bologna like loaf)

and head cheese is pretty good

Ewwww James! Is it (Kimmie gags) really? =}....

yea it is but it's really good taste like a porkchop and looking at it you wouldn't be able to tell it was some cheek meat and a little bit of brain matter

I like cheese balls instead. Head cheese is... Ummmm... Let's not go there. It's just not my type of head. LOL

It's just not my type of head. LOL

Sooo glad you set the record straight. I wanted to but didn't have the balls to do it!

It's just not my type of head.

I think I have the kind you are looking for

Lol... DaVoh, who are you addressing? We both used the quote.... So, rofl what makes you think we might be looking for it?;)

well you see ladies sadly I can't find headcheese anywhere but would gladly provide you with the type of head you are looking for

head cheeze,fum-unda cheeze-i want nothing to do with either!

;)

;)

what makes you think we might be looking for it?

Just letting you know the offer's on the table. But you probably already knew that, huh?

=].

yea DaVoH I think they already knew it having been offered twice...

Been offered more than twice, and won't be the last time either

tru I'll probly offer a few more times

James, I'm sending you a friend request, I hope that you'll accept

Nope. It will probably be offered lots more. :P

It will probably be offered lots more

It's not my fault that you're lavishing, I just can't help myself =)

it's not my fault lissa you just seem to bring out my rampant naughtiness

LOL I do a good job at that. Of course, it's fun! Bring on the naughtiness! (Ignore the blushing. Never grew out of that...)

I like the blushing personally shows you're still flattered and me and DaVoH haven't jaded you to our constant advances yet.

a good blush is always welcome... means you are still alive and kicking.

a good blush is always welcome... means you are still alive and kicking.

amen to that!

It's not so good when some of my male students start acting up. (Some of the things that come out of their mouths... LOL)

Jaded? Me? Not likely to happen.

I can still remember when a student-teacher for my senior English class asked if there were any questions (we were working on Shakespeare at the time). One of my male friends raised his hands and the student teacher delightedly asked him what his question was (this particular friend never asked questions in class so here's your first clue.) With a great big innocent grin he asked "Where do babies come from?" It took the male ST a couple minutes to regain normal facial color.

lol omg that sounds like what I used to do to substitute teachers

LOL That was a good one, lilgremlin. My side is hurting now. I got asked for my phone number and if my husband wouldn't be home later. All ST do something extremely stupid. That's how they learn...

I used to ask "what does herpes look like?" or " if it burns when I pee and I have small bumps on it is that bad?"

You just tell the boys he'll be home after his gig bouncing at the local bar or that he and his cop/ex-military/mercenary buddies will probably be playing cards at your house tonight.

James - my AP Physics class used to terrorize subs all the time. One day we even got to unnerve the vice-principal who was filling in until our sub who had over-slept arrived. Apparently there's something unsettling about having all the smart kids in one room. :)

we had one sub that really drew our ire when he wrote me up for asking that... poor guy should've realized by the axle grease stains on my hands that I was the mechanically inclined student... I took all the bolts out of his chair and rigged his cellphone charger to blow the battery out. a friend of mine just drained all the fluids out of the guy's car and put em in black jugs and left him to figure out what went where..

James, that was evil. Fun, but evil. I probably would have told you to go find a doctor and ask.

So... did you ever get that checked out?

Lilgremlin, I terrorized my students as a sub. It was great! Actually, we had a truce called. I would let them talk and work together as long as it was not a test and even pull stuff out of my bag for them if they kept it down and behaved. Worked like a charm with my highschoolers.

nope cause I was just asking to see if anyone would get a laugh... one very nicely built sub offered to check it out for me... should've took her up on that

Usually worked for us as students too, but that physics class had more leeway than any class ever should have had a right to. We did a lot of bad stuff, but since it was in the name of science (and we always aired out the lab before class was over) we could get away with it.

one very nicely built sub offered to check it out for me... should've took her up on that

Sheesh James, what were you thinking?

I was thinking bout the other pretty girl in class you know the one who wouldn't give anyone the time of day but always seemed to find my number when she was drunk or too screwed up to drive and ask for a ride... oh yea she got her ride alright and I got my payment worked great til she wanted to start dating

With a great big innocent grin he asked "Where do babies come from?" It took the male ST a couple minutes to regain normal facial color.

LMAO!!!!!!..................poor fella...

My subs were a bit tougher than that... they would probably hurl a wadded up peice of paper.

Wow some of you were rough on your teachers!!! My Physics lab teacher (also homeroom) was never there... he had something like 40 years tenur... always had subs who knew nothing about physics.

I just gave my kiddos a look and said something about needing to go back to biology. It worked everytime with something like that.

James...? Nice pic.

thanx lissa don't worry the original I promised will be sent out tonight... oh and if you want my number just ask I'm here all week

I think my husband would get jealous at that point. LOL

lol good cause my phone don't work maybe cause I never got one...

:P You so bad.

well it'll kepp him from getting jealous and you outta trouble besides I do have a cell phone you know just no land line

I stay out of trouble. :P I am very, very, very good at that.

I'm very very very good at getting in trouble and gettin others to follow me there

LOL Sounds like fun. I am good at getting out of it; you are good at getting in it. What a team!

Ummmm... Ewwwwww.... LOL

ya... I'm into some freaky stuff... and that even grosses me out lol

irritable bowel!

well not gonna ask your favorate position...

nope not gonna go there... no way no how.... Must not ask!!!

no I musssssssssssssant!

This thread has really gone to the crapper

baaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaa

Ok. Since DragonWoman won't ask... No, I shouldn't. No, I really, really, really shouldn't...

Good one, DaVoH.

Be sure to wash your hands after that one.

You know James mentioned fitting a foot ball in a tabasco bottle... how about hearing of a football that came out of a tabasco bottle.... all this toilet talk reminded me about a friend of my brother who clogged the toilet..... ROFLMAO

with a football?

I was told it was the shape of a football...

my question wasn't how did he flush it???? but .... How did it come out of his a$$???

Did it puff up like some balloon?

My brother said it clogged his toilet.... LMAO

Now there is a reason to dial 9-1-1 (to bring it back to the subject)

Uh yes operator... my friend just clogged my toilet with a massive peice of Sh...

No I am not being funny... you should see this thing...

Well when the toilet floods out the entire neighborhood people will run screaming..

I think that is an emergency...

all this toilet talk reminded me about a friend of my brother who clogged the toilet

We used to do something called the 'back-flusher'. A pretty disgusting prank, which involves dropping a load inside the tank of the toilet. It's usually best, to do it alone and not tell anybody. It comes with some drawback, if you catch my drift

Ewwwww... that is a mean prank...

We just had to replace a washer and a nut to the tank... quite a pain in the ass... (tee hee)

that is a mean prank

Then you don't wanna know the other one we did as younger kids

when we were kids my older brother used to clog the toilet on a regular basis.I can remember my dad yelling at him"how do these things make it out of your @!$%#?"

an emergency is when the butt-load is more than a @!$%#-pot full!

LMAO... I just love potty humor.

I just love potty humor.

Kind of like a 'bowel of beggin strips'? I still laugh about that, gotta be the funniest typo in history to me

Thank you for reminding me... if you stick around long enough I am sure to provide more accidental humor... LOL =}

You guys have potty minds. LOL (Potty fingers??? Not really sure at this point.)

naw my mind is just permanently in the gutter unfortunately it never had a chance it's attached to my body

(Potty fingers??? Not really sure at this point.)

I wash my hands and have the hand sanatize nearby after every sneeze.

LOL Well, I didn't think anybody was actually saying it to the computer. I guessed most of everyone was typing. (Too much caffine...)

caffeine good,potty finger bad!

LOL :P

;D

It's a good thing she didn't have the beer @!$%#s

LOL good thing she didn't wake up to puke!

she asked If I knew who did it,and of course i said no.

I am tellin on yooooooouuuuu.... LMAO

That was a mean trick... but funny.

she once gave her younger brother a drink of gin and magnesium citrate -just to be mean.If you dont know what that is-it will make you @!$%# water for 24 hours!